Excellent Advice

"Bury the Stinking Carcass of your Old Relationship"

Saw this in an advice column today:

How long does it take for an individual to get over a relationship before s/he can get into another relationship and be mentally stable?

Mourning the death of a committed, long-term, dating relationship generally requires one to three months. For a marriage, it’s four months to one year. But these are averages and frankly, I flunked math. The actual period depends on how honest the couple has been with each other and themselves about the end of their intimacy (physical, emotional, spiritual and mental). The higher the rate of deception on either person’s part, the longer the process of healing for both. While mourning, it’s important to spend time alone, especially if doing so makes you uncomfortable. If you can’t enjoy your own company, you will rush to fill it with any warm body or addictive substances and behaviors. Instead, devote time to hanging with friends and to seeing a counselor to smooth the rough edges of your emotions. (Recovery-from-breakup hint: Your friends are not the best therapists, so be an adult and invest money in the real thing.) Also, avoid dating and stay away from hooking up with a stranger or your ex. Don’t troll Internet dating sites and resist joining. Without a proper period of mourning, you will drag the stinking carcass of your old relationship into any new one you attempt to establish, ruining the possibilities of a happily-ever-after for yourself and for the person you are dating.